Will I Ever Feel Safe? Saturday, February 5, 2011

Will I ever feel safe?
Two weeks after being kidnapped Griffin called to see how I was doing. I said, "I was alright", but I knew that I will never be. To end the phone conversation with Griffin I said "Look, I've got to go." After that Griffin asked "Can I call you again?"
I took a deep breath and thought about my answer....


Now it's a little more than a month since I've talked to Griffin. I really don't wish to ever really consider him as a friend. I know that he saved my life, but he also was the one who stole me, and put me through so much danger.

I really don't think I will ever trust anyone again, so I think I'm going to always stick with my guide dog, Phantom and try out some Self Defense lessons. I'll probably learn how to feel what's around me with both my hands. Maybe even learn how to do some punches.

Especially after what..... TJ...almost... did to me. I try not to think about what happened in the kidnapping. I really am starting to rely on Phantom about 70%. Even though he's a guide dog, if he thinks that danger is approaching me, he won't let it get to me.

I think the most thing that I'm really traumatized about is in the car with Roy.

I remember when I thought Roy was a cop so I was telling him everything that I like knew (which was really bad.) As I got into the car I remembered a smell: peppermint chewing tobacco.

That scared me so much so I needed to find a phone. I thought that next to me was a phone, but it wasn't. It was a gun.

Now I remember when: I told Roy, "You make one move and I will shoot you."  I did shoot him, but didn't kill him...yet. I screamed at him to get out and he did. After he did, he kept yelling to me like, "Cheyenne, Cheyenne let me in or I'll bleed to death for the love of God."

I didn't let him in, so he started to bang on the windows. He kept switching from side to side of the car. I didn't always know which side he was exactly, but I knew I had to look for a phone. Roy banged harder so I tried to drive away little by little. Roy kept yelling at me and banging on the windows even harder. When I found the phone I dialled 911 and a woman picked up. I told her what was hapening and that I was blind, so she sent out police cars to find me I told her I could hear one of the 3 sirens and soon enough they were coming. During the minute I was talking to her I heard Roy's footsteps get closer and closer. Suddenly Roy s hand twisted around my throat like a steel band. I figured out that I could propel the car in motion, so I did. Roy's hand then let go and I heard this thump, and felt the car go over some kind of hump. I ran over Roy.

Finally the police came, and I got home.


I still am going to take self defense classes, because I'm still upset of what happened.
I wonder if I'll ever feel safe again.

http://girlsfightback.com/resources/self-defense-classes

The Car Accident. Friday 2010

It was a warm, relaxing, summer day on Wednesday August 1, 2007 and I was thirteen. I was going for a long walk down a long straight road with my mom and my old dog Spencer and we were walking on the left side of the road (there were no sidewalks) facing traffic. There was two cars behind use that were drag racing. Appearently, the man in a car panicked and swerved over so he was right behind use.
The last words I said to my mom was, "It looks like our shadows are walking backward."
Next thing you know the car (probably going 60 mi/hour), hit my mom, me, and.... my dog Spencer.
Our bodies soared across the sky. My mom's body ended up almost a block from where we were first hit. The car sadly ran right over my dog Spencer. It didn't hit me full on, or I'd be dead, too. Instead the car threw me into a pole (which was the speed limit sign and I smacked the top of my head into it).
For only a few seconds I was unconscious, but when I woke up I could not see anything. I could ony feel the blood running down my face, and then I knew why I couldn't see. I am now blind. I knew my arm was broken, but everything else seemed to be okay. I was screaming for my mom, feeling around with the good arm. All I could find was one of her shoes. That's when I guess she was litterally knocked out of her shoes. Then it came to me, that if one of her shoes was here....she's gone.

When I was held hostage in 2010, I told Griffin about my mom and my accident. I never would have thought that I could open myself up to dreadful memories like this one. At least Griffin understands the story that was told.

Griffin. Sunday, 28 August, 2011

Griffin.....
the male 17 year old that accidently stole a car with a girl in the backseat.

I think Griffin liked (likes) me, and even though I could not see him when I was with him at the time, his personality got me going!

I remember when I was lying on Griffin's bed and I felt a wrath of heat was twurled around my head. So Griffin slammed his forehead into my forehead, and I thought he wanted to kiss me!
I suddenly asked "Are you trying to kiss me or something?"
Griffin said, "No! I was just trying to figure out if you had a fever."
Hahahaha, I would had laugh right then and there, but I was too sick to even have a sense of humor!

I also remember when I had to escape from the house. I remember when Griffin was still sleeping at 2:00 AM, and I tip-toed down to the dining room and found a heavy wrench. I needed to act quick to escape from the house, so I walked back to Griffin's bedroom and had to just make up my mind. I had to hit him and get out so I gripped the heavy wrench in both hands, raised it over my head. Then, like a man splitting a log with an ax, I swung the wrench in its swift and terrible descent. I also remember the icy, cold tears running down my face. I wanted to knock Griffin out, so I could escape, but Griffin started to yell! I struck him again much harder and man, did that have to hurt him. After that Griffin had not moved, after he flopped back on the bed. I will sadly always remember dropping the wrench that was wet with Griffin's sticky blood on the floor. I really thought that I killed him.

When I was held hostage in 2010, I told Griffin about my mom and my accident. I never would have thought that I could open myself up to dreadful memories like this one.
Griffin told me about his mom too. Griffin told me that when he was 10 years old, his dad Roy (the head-criminal), would cook Meth (Amphetamines). He said it smelled horrible like cat piss.
One day when his dad was cooking Meth, Griffin wanted to ask him a question, so he went to his dad. when he came into the room the Meth flared up on his neck. Griffin said it was either really really hot or really really cold. He told me while we were sitting on his bed that he just wanted to die. And his mom took him to the emergency room and lied to the doctors about what happened.

I really loved that after the whole kidnapping thing that Griffin called me to make sure I was okay.
Thanks for being there for me,Griffin!

TJ. Monday, May 9, 2011

No one will put their hands on me

TJ scared me so much. I was in Griffin's room, and Griffin left for only a few seconds, then TJ came into the room. And in that time, a lot could have badly happened.

Me, lying on Griffin's bed, coughing away, untill' TJ came in. He probably looked at me like he was a predator and I was his prey. I'm still frightened of him to this day.  I'm afraid that he will crawl into my bed while I'm asleep, and sickeningly touch me.....

When I was kept hostage in Griffin's room and TJ was leaning over me and I could feel the wrath of his breath on my face. I was about to spit in that ugly face of his. I had another cough slowly trying to lurch up my throat. I tucked my knees up to my chest trying to put a barrier between me and TJ's dirty hands.
I remeber TJ's exact words.

"Are you a virgin, Cheyenne? Are you? Beacause maybe it's time for you to become a real woman. Maybe you should let TJ give you a little loving before it's too late."
After whispering that i remeber him also whispering in my ear, "Where you going, you won't be getting any loving. They never talk about getting it on in heaven, do they,baby? Let TJ give you a sweet memory to take to your grave."

Before Griffin came rushing into the room to save me, I thought "What's going to happen to me," and was still shaking my head to tried to get away from TJ.
In my head I was screaming "Don't touch me!", while TJ had pinned my wrists against the wall.
What if he would kill me and sexually abuse my dead body afterwards? (if he's that sick?!)

I will never overcome my fear of that man, and I don't want to talk about him anymore.

Being Stolen. Thursday, April 7, 2011

So you probably know that somebody stole me. If you don't, I was in my SUV with a blanket over my head when my stepmom Danielle went into the pharmacy for some medicine for me (because I had Pneumonia), and someone stole our car, with me in it. I was really ill and scared at the time.The criminals didn't even know I was in there, when they took the car.  I thought I was going to die, because I didn't have Phantom with me.  That was the worst. I had my cane but not my best friend.

I'm home now and I know I can do more than I ever thought, even though I can't see.

School... and my Cane... Make Me Feel like an Alien. Thursday, October 18, 2008

 School is not one of my favorites at all! I used to be fine with school but now ever since the accident happened (and I'm blind from that) everybody is being scared or sympathetic towards me. In school I feel like an alien who just landed on the planet. I'm the only 14 year old (only one) that is blind in the whole school! I have a cane, which is made of these metal rods and it makes a tapping or clinging sound when it hits the ground. In school, I don't really know where I am exactly. I keep banging into things like chairs and desks. In between classes is just the worse. Having to bump into everything! I want to be graceful and cool, but instead I feel clumsy and sweaty. Like my stepmom, Danielle told me from a bible, "For we walk by faith, not by sight." Aren't canes for old people though? Yes, canes are for senior citizens, not teenagers! The 1st thing I had to learn was to use a cane which was kinda hard in school I'm pretty sure kids just stay away from me, so that works because I can get by easier. I would always get the feeling that people were looking at me. I would think I heard someone whispering about me, but I just feign that it's my imagination. Kids at school just usually never talk to me at all., but in two more years I will be getting a guide dog. People will probably be talking more to the dog then me.

Nobody talks to me at school. My teachers are sympathetic and are always feeling bad for me or they are expecting me to do work as fast as a sighted person. The teacher that expects me to me done work the same time all the other kids are, is Mr. waDELL. He'd always say "Just because you have a handicap, I'm not going to be lenient with you." He's not my favorite teacher, but hes's alright.

I wish my friends would just accept who I am now, because only Sadie and Kenzie are my best friends in school.

I don't want to be like an alien from another planet and don't want to deal with being blind. though I'm afraid of becoming a sighted person...

I really do not want to feel like an alien anymore.  

Me (Cheynne) waiting for Danielle, my step mom, to pick me up after school
(Thank goodness I'm not wearing Nike for once!) 

My Dad and his Annoying Nike Job. Friday,November 12, 2010

Wow. Aren’t I supposed to feel safe in my house? I love my step mom, but my dad is going a little too crazy with all the Nike.  The picture of the house, well doesn’t it look like an ordinary house? Well it does on the outside just not the inside. Nike, Nike, Nike. All there is is Nike. Nike wallpaper, Nike picture frames, all my shoes i wear have to be  Nike, but thank goodness that the toilet paper is not NIKE! Now every day I come home from after school kids are always talking about my dad and how like it so “amazing” (not) to have a dad like him, the Nike man, they call him. I mean my dad’s my dad, but like I’m his daughter. I should at least see him more than twice a day for like a 1 hour. I only see him for like my 20 minute lessons I take with Phantom and my guide cane, and like when he will check up on me, but that’s only once in a while. He’s always visiting around the world to talk about Nike. I just think my dad is a little caught up in his work for Nike. I love my dad, but I’m really hoping that he has enough time to love me back.

http://www.nike.com/nikeos/p/nike/en_US/?ref=